Voice of Authority (II)

So am I saying snuff your intuition and quench what you might deem the Holy Spirit?  Not at all.  But I must say that the Holy Spirit definitely isn't self-righteous:  he leads to the expression of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control - you know, all the fruits of the Spirit.

Self-righteousness isn't one of those gifts. 

Then does that mean when I spend time with God I should always doubt myself?  Not at all either.  Since the authoritative side of God is, in fact, a part of God, you shouldn't ignore it.  What I'm saying is, you shouldn't *indulge* in it, as you'll get a very narrow picture of who God is, and you won't affect the people around you in a very positive way (more than likely).  So here's what I suggest - alternate between these two "modes" when interacting with God:  inquiring (i.e., introspection, questioning, rationalizing, reshaping your beliefs and views of God, etc) and believing (i.e., attaching God's command to an authoritative and self-righteous emotion, loving, feeling his love, knowing, being self-confident, etc).  There is a different time for everything, as it states in the Bible.  And I believe that there is a time to question and search for truth as much as there is a time to believe and feel like you should do the right thing.Going back and forth between these two modes will give you a healthy, balanced perspective of the world - and you'll definitely be much more effective when interacting with others.

Effects are what indicate roots.  Fruits are what indicate the type of tree.  In the Bible, it says that by your fruits you shall know them.  Well, let me examine myself - just what *are* my fruits?  The effects of my beliefs?  Well, I know for one thing - especially lately - the effect that I've been having on the world has been close to zero (well, at least to my knowledge), or very far away from a huge chunk of what the Holy Spirit is really all about.  It has been something much more sinister, and I believe that it has been because I've been indulging in God's authoritative side without giving time to experience his other qualities. 
Just last night I discovered this.

Before last night, I've been spending brief periods of time talking to God.  I mean, I've been listening to his smart and intellectual side speaking to me for quite a long time, but when it comes to me talking to him, conversations are usually short (albeit definitely not rare).  But, over the past couple of days, I've been becoming increasingly more and more "fluent" with God, speaking to him more and more freely on a long term basis.  And I must say, it has created quite a difference in my heart - a lot of positive changes have resulted and I am so excited!

However, last night I decided to do this longer than ever - maybe a little longer than I should have.  And what ended up happening is me viewing the world as a place extremely saturated with Satan and his minions (which is true, but not the point as you shall see shortly).  Somebody joked around with me about something that night, and I felt like he had a lot of darkness in his life and subsequently I got upset and angry - feeling hurt in the meantime.  In addition, all the people I saw everyday mostly became very demonic in my eyes, and it appeared as if they were extremely far away from God.

When I got back to my room after taking the walk, I was thinking, "God, I just want to spend time with you and no one else."  After that, everything else in the world became unimportant, including my previous hopes and dreams.  I no longer wanted to do anything - work on my projects, write, etc. - but just talk with God and follow the thread of commands uttered from his mouth.  I remember going outside to the alcove of my floor, and hearing "God" say to me, "Get up from your seat and move that chair by the elevator into a more perfect position."  I didn't do it, and was subsequently plagued by guilt.  And so, it was after then that I kind of just stopped "spending time with God" and kind of just rested my heart and mind for the rest of the night. The scary thing, though, was (after all this had passed) I actually felt it was the *right* thing to do.  And now, as I'm sitting here writing about all this, it was because I realized that I was indulging too much in God's authoritative side with my non-reality based subconscious coming out.
 
I am very very detached from the world, so I see reality in ways most people usually don't.  So, upon introspection, I realize that God telling me to move the chair was a manifestation of my sinful subconscious making a link with God's authoritative side.  I was being delusionally self-righteous. 

Well, now that all this has passed, I know what to do next time - not to "rush it" with getting close to God.  Just as getting close to a girlfriend or boyfriend too fast too early might spark some major problems, so it is the same with God.  The reason for this is because some of our core beliefs are very far away from the actual Principles of Heaven, and we need to be careful not to let some of the harmful things we've been taught as children make a link, via indulgence, with God's authoritative side. In this case, we should very much be careful when following our self-righteous gut feelings.  And we should alternate back and forth (or *around* as there are many aspects of God) in experiencing the many different facets of God, taking turns and giving each aspect equal and ample time along with the others.